Wow

To say the least, my life has changed since 2009. I finished the credential program in December 2009, but have just been subbing since. I've been doing an easy long-term job, but am starting a more challenging one this week. It should be tough, but great for keeping up my teaching skills (I feel I've been getting rusty on pedagogy).

Gary and I split up in November last year. It was a long time coming (as in, since he was in Japan... so maybe a year) but it was still hard. I finally reached the point where I realized everything was too much and I needed to throw in the towel, too. I hesitate to write more since the internet is so public. Basically, I'm doing fine, but things are hard. The best parts are that I no longer feel like garbage, I like having my own place, and I get to change my name back to Finch. Yay! The bad parts are that I feel lame sometimes, it gets a little lonely, and I get tired of explaining myself. It comes with the territory, though, and I'm sure all of this will be part of my past soon enough.

I also got a dog about a year ago. She's such a great companion. It makes living alone much more bearable, especially since Gary took the cats. I have way too many pictures of her for it to be reasonable. Lord help us all if and when I have kids!

Penny near Santa Cruz, busy being a model :)

I wonder if my lack of blogging has anything to do with me spending less time on the computer. I stopped writing any sort of blog about the same time I got an iPhone... hmmmm... maybe they're connected. My contract with the iPhone is up in June. I'm not sure if I still want a smart phone or not. It would save so much money if I didn't have one, and I know I would be able to survive without one, I've just become so accustomed to it. I guess we'll see in June.

These last few weeks I've spent a fair amount of time visiting friends and family. I went to Soquel to visit my Uncle and his family. It was fun to see them, especially since I hadn't in nearly two years! Oy! I need to send them a thank-you card for the visit. It was awesome :).

Me and Penny near Santa Cruz

I then went to Vallejo the next week to visit Tracie and go to a Gala (think prom with a bartender). It was so much fun to see her again (again, I hadn't seen her in over a year).

Tracie, me, and Sparsha just before leaving for the gala

This last weekend I went down to Long Beach to see Janie. I figured it would be the last time I would be able to visit for some time (with school starting up for her and this new job starting up for me). It was definitely a good choice.

I LOVE this pic of me and Janie (and Penny) at the Long Beach dog beach

You know, since reading over my past blogs (however few of them there may be) I realize how happy I was those past years. It's easy to trick yourself or forget and think that things have always been as crummy as the last year. I truly was happy with Gary and then things just changed. I've been thinking about all the bad things; things that ranged from no big deal annoyances to big deal things that I just ignored. Talking about it with others has made me realize that everything wasn't always perfect. I just want to keep a clear head and not re-write history. I think it would be very easy to say that it was doomed from the start and just remember all the shitty things. But on the same token, you could say that things were so great that it's all just a huge mystery. There were great times, and there were terrible times. There were times that I'm so proud of myself and Gary and there were times where I don't ever want to remember what either of us said or did. That's just life, I suppose, and I need to remember that I really was happy. I can still be happy, and generally if I sit down and think about it I would tell you that I am happy now. I don't know that I am satisfied with how things are, but this gives me the motivation to strive for improvement. I want to create meaningful relationships with others, create art (crafty or otherwise), and I want to be a great teacher with an impacting career.

Not all of life's trials are fun or exciting, but they can all make you a better person. I think that I've learned a lot about myself, my morals and standards, and what I want out of life just in these past few months. I wouldn't mind if all this self-reflection and awareness hadn't come at the price it did, but we can't always control how life turns out. Just try to keep a clear head and be optimistic :).